What I have learned about myself whilst being absent from my loved ones

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Do you ever wish you had a crystal ball?  There are so many clichés available … hindsight is a wonderful thing and on, and on, and on.

But the truth is you haven’t and you have to make difficult choices sometimes that will question who you are as a person, and how much do you stand by your morals and principles.

Now keeping true to those morals and principles when faced with adversity is the true test.

Anyone who is absent from a loved one will all face the same daily struggle. Most learn to live with it, they adjust, some days are worse than others, but the pain is there every day in various degrees.  Some cannot cope. The pain is uncontrollable and the mind takes over, leaving them with no alternative but to end their life. I’m not here to debate whether that is taking the easy way out, or even if it’s selfish.

I have contemplated it on more than one occasion. I’ve sat there with pills and a bottle of vodka, and on another occasion sat looking at a knife for what seemed an eternity, but in reality was about 2 minutes tops. Now am I a coward for not going through with it, or am I strong for not going through with it? That is your decision.

Well, I’m still here and I am pleased to say I don’t think like that anymore. My pain has turned into my passion as the Absent app continues to gain users. The weight that was lifted of my shoulders as soon as I posted my loved ones on the app was huge. Partly due to the fact that the app was now live, and partly because I now felt I had a real chance of reaching them. Like I have mentioned in previous blogs, social media is not useful for these kinds of circumstances.

What separates Absent is that it’s totally unbiased. Facebook, for example, is open to so much manipulation and criticism that it can do more damage than good. You want to force the issue, you want people to realise what is going on now and for it all to end now. But it doesn’t work like that. It’s a process, and patience and stamina are a vital part of what you need to learn about yourself in order to succeed in your quest. Being too full on will create further issues and could potentially drive people further away from you, having the completely opposite effect.

It’s a sacrifice  

I have read countless stories and talked to so many people who fight so hard to reunite especially with parental alienation. The majority end up broke due to the legal system and the professionals involved in Family Law. Nobody has a good word to say about the experience and I understand why.  I have also been through the courts and it was a demoralising experience. These people don’t know me, they don’t know the truth. But can you imagine having to go to work every day listening to case after case of people tearing each other apart? I’m guessing the more experienced involved will think ‘that’s rubbish’ or ‘I bet that never happened’ but do they really lose any sleep over it. It’s a fee based business and the fees come rolling in.  I actually looked at a set of accounts for a London based Family Law firm and the annual turnover just for that practice, was just over £9 million.

The safety of the children is paramount within cases, not the feelings of the parents involved. So what happens in the vast majority of cases?  ‘He’s violent’.  ‘She’s on drugs’ blah, blah, blah. But what you need to remember is that this is actually true in some cases. So how does a judge make that call? It’s simple. They can’t. So to use deceitful tactics to unlawfully keep your children from the other parent should have every genuine victim foaming at the mouth. By playing the system its perjury and should be punished as such, only then will there be justice. Legal professionals suggesting certain plays or routes to take should be removed by their governing bodies and also charged with perjury. In fact, if any undercover television program makers want a scoop, set up a meeting using actors and go to several Family Law practices and see what happens.

Social media is scrutinised. Post are used to build a case against you, and by venting your frustrations online you are playing right into the hands of those who want to destroy you.

So what have I learned about myself during this period in my life? Firstly, my children come first. Secondly, I am willing to shoulder the burden of absence in order to save them from the nightmare they would face if I pursued contact. I quickly came to the conclusion that the relationship was suffering, and in turn so were we. From the moment I held my babies in my arms, I knew that I would do anything to protect them, I never for one minute thought it would mean letting them go…. temporarily. In doing so I will reap the benefits in the future of that I am sure.

By using the Absent app I now have one place to put all my information. With the decline of Facebook amongst millennials and use of more temporary messaging platforms such as Snapchat, the timing is perfect.

So my advice to you is to download Absent and post today. With users now in the U.K., U.S.A. and South Africa, it is already growing and it will snowball. It has been downloaded in many other countries such as Australia, China, France, Germany, Canada and even Kazakstan so people are already searching. Can you imagine the delight when your loved one downloads it, and there they are.

 

Intimidation, Manipulation and … Alethephobia ??!!

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Intimidation and manipulation are words we are all too familiar with these days. There are those who are prepared to do whatever it takes, by whatever means, with no regards of the consequences, especially to the impact on others. Now I am getting older, and possibly turning into that grumpy old man, I am getting so sick of this shit. I know the utopian society is just a dream, and there are some wonderful, caring, selfless people in the world, but these egotistical narcissists really do need to come down a peg or two – in my opinion obviously. 

But what the H. E. double hockey sticks is alethephobia ? No need to Google it folks, I’ve already done it. It is the fear of knowing the truth. You see when you are not with your loved ones due to forced absence the truth can be a scary prospect for both parties.

Do they believe the crap they’ve been fed? Has too much time passed? Will they reject me?

Or

Is it my fault they don’t want me?  Am I a bad person?  What if this is not the truth?

Sometimes the fear of finding out the truth can be so overpowering that the truth itself remains a mystery. Lives are put on hold, simply wondering. Relationships are lost forever because the fear of the truth can be terrifying. But it doesn’t have to be.

Think about it for a moment. There is someone not in your life that you want, and you spend a lot of time running over scenarios in your head of what you would say, or how you would react when you saw them. But the harsh reality is that they are not in your life and you suffer with your thoughts. Dealing with ambiguous loss causes so much pain that leads to all manner of issues and problems.

But if you did reach out to them, and got a response, there are only two scenarios.

Firstly, they tell you to bugger off. A gutwrenching outcome which will undoubtedly leave you distraught and in pieces. But at least you will know where you stand. The daily routine of running the scenarios can be let go, and you can start to deal with the situation you now find yourself in.

But the second scenario is the big one. The one you’ve been waiting for. You reach out, they respond. You make a little contact, then a little more, and before you know it they are back, back in your life where they belong.

Now I can’t say which is the more likely outcome. Clearly I’d pick the second one. But I guess you get to the point when even if you did get the first outcome slapped in your face, at least you know the truth.

via GIPHY

 

The crucial reasons why you need to use revolutionary Absent if you want to be savvy

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Ok straight to it. I want to give you the crucial reasons why you should download Absent if there is anyone you want to reunite with that is absent from your life. Now if you have someone who is not in your life that you desperately want, then I really don’t have to explain the importance of having a new genius platform to use.

Why is Absent different ?

If you think of situations of absence on a scale going from people drifting apart through the normal course of life, right through up to high risk missing persons, then Absent will help. Hell if you’ve lost your pet, Absent can help.

If you are someone who wants to reach out to find someone important, then by using the amazing interactive map platform you can post the date and exact position you last saw them. Then add any relevant information you think necessary to show the importance.

People are naturally curious and will take a look … I bet you will look too

Yes, you could try and find them on social media sites, but do they want to know? If they find you on Absent, you can pretty much guarantee they do want to know

If however you are involved in the heartbreak of forced absence then that might not be enough. What makes Absent different to anything else available is the revolutionary private journal feature. If there is someone missing from your life from forced absence, and some examples of this are set out here, then the ability to have an outlet to divulge your thoughts and story ready for someone to find is vital.

The reason I say this is because the devastating feelings of guilt, anger, frustration, sadness and emptiness from being absent from a loved one can lead to depression and anxiety causing all manner of life changing issues. The effects for those forcibly removed from your life are very similar. In the case of children, experts have well documented the problems that arise. With no other avenue to share the pivotal information to each other in private, the chances of a successful reconciliation are limited. Especially if you have been portrayed as an asshole.

Unleash your thoughts in your very own private journal and it will let you live in the present. That is such a triumph. People spend so much of their time living in the past, torturing themselves with past memories often refusing to believe there is a future.

This is a perfect solution You can sit and talk directly to the person concerned, spill your heart, tell them you love them and how much you miss them. Then store the video directly to your Absent journal, safe and secure only for them when they are ready to look at it. Do the same with pictures, songs, letters or whatever you think is relevant. But don’t use it to badmouth anyone else, that won’t do you any good in the long term, no matter how tempting it might be.

Like I have mentioned in a previous blog, the journal feature will need to be based on a subscription basis. However if you’ve managed to reach this far and are still reading, and you wish to have a chance of a totally 100% free account for as long as is needed, then simply download the app on iTunes now, sign up and promote and share to get as many others into the new trend. The more users, the greater the chance of reuniting. People need to know about us. Spaces are limited so don’t delay. Don’t worry if you are on Andriod. Absent is due to be launched very soon on Google Play and spaces have been reserved for you guys too.

So I think that’s it for now. Hopefully, my passion has come across and you will have faith in what I am going to achieve. I want to create a brand that you will trust. I’m not after your data, I just want us all to go on a magnificent journey to reunite with our loved ones, and have the life together we deserve. Help me develop this please. I’m an approachable guy honestly. Get in touch and voice your opinion.

I have grown very fond of writing this blog. Before I started, I Googled ‘How to write a successful blog’ which I’m sure is normal. The main point I took from the research was to use your own voice and speak as you. That is exactly what I do, and it’s very comforting.  A great outlet which I would really encourage people to have a go at. I’d like to thank you for reading, and please feel free to comment. If you do enjoy my ramblings then why not subscribe to make sure you don’t miss any further posts. Thanks guys.

Absent app now on iTunes

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There are certain moments in your life that will have major significance. Life has a way of making you wonder if it’s worth it at times, but then there are these good ones, these moments that make you sit up and say ‘maybe this is what I was sent to do’.

I had the idea for Absent on the 5th November 2016. A moment I will never forget. As you’ll know, 5th November in the U.K. is Bonfire Night. A night that I would have been taking my children out to see the fireworks.  I was struggling. I was having images in my head of my children, out with their mother, laughing and enjoying themselves, and I was jealous. It wasn’t fair. None of this shit is fair.  But as we all know, life isn’t fair. Do nice guys finish last?  Up until now, I probably would have agreed 9.9 times out of 10.

Fast forward 16 months, and I truly believe we are on the verge of something special here. It’s true that Absent was created solely based on parental alienation, but it can be for so much more.

The first version of the Absent app will focus on missing people. A global issue that arises from many different situations. We decided to focus on the missing as this first version does not include the journal function. Parental alienation cases rely heavily on the journal feature which is in development. Development requires funding, funding requires users. The business world has dictated this. Also missing covers a lot more situations that the app will be able to help. But don’t fret, parental alienation will be covered. But first we will create a ‘map of the missing’. For the first time, the true scale of the problem will be available on a fully interactive global map with features such as share, comment, and report a sighting all in real time. A fantastic tool for those dealing with the ambiguous loss of someone missing.

Absence has traditionally been used as a negative.

Absent father meaning a dad who didn’t want to know.The guy who when out for a pack of cigarettes…..        5 years ago.  It is so different these days, as the number of both mothers and fathers who are absent from their children’s lives, not by choice, but by the actions of others is so difficult to establish.

Best estimate … it’s millions.

It’s now a culture, some believe they have a God-given right to do what they want, when they want and have no regard for the consequences. Increasingly we are living in a world full of self-centred, egotistical assholes who have no morals. The constant attention seeking narcissism which is creating a generation which will have issues with relationships that last a lifetime.

Absent aims to stop this. Absent will provide a lifeline. A chance to turn this tide.

I have been asked how am I going to market Absent successfully.  It’s true I am looking for investment. I have contacted various companies which all say the same thing. Come back when you have some traction and users.  I can see why, it is very risky to invest in a company that just has an idea, an awesome idea, but still just an idea. So what do you do when you have no money, and no users?  Well I’m going to ask for help. I am going to ask every single one of you to help me.

Share, share and share again. 

If you are reading this then it’s very likely that you yourself are absent from a loved one, or you know someone who is.

In order for Absent to make a difference, it needs users. A lot of users.

I figure the best way to do that, is to get people talking about it. I’ll be totally honest with you. in order for me to get my story to my children, I need you to either use Absent or tell as many people as you can about it. But that is true for you also.  If you want to share your story or find that missing someone, you need me as much as I need you. Together we can help each other, and help whoever it is we are missing or absent from. If we pull together, it will work. We can reunite families and change peoples lives forever. We can play our part in helping people all over the world just by raising the profile of Absent and what it can achieve.

This version of the app does not include the journaling function. So the more users we get, the quicker the function will be available. To cover the costs of creating this function, and the server costs etc that go with it, there will be a subscription cost to it. Something small, less than 5 dollars or pounds a month. This also separates those of us who genuinely want to use it,  from those who think that they should use it, or want to maybe cause trouble.

I asked the question, how can I stop people from faking an interest. the answer was pretty simple. ‘You can’t really stop people from being assholes’.

So here it is ladies and gents. This has consumed me for the last 16 months.

I can’t thank those who have helped get this off the ground enough. To the tech and design team that are clearly superb. All the advice I have been given, and all the favours I have called in.

And finally to my children, this is for you dudes xx

 

 

 

 

Are you dealing with a hostile ex partner ?

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This post is specifically aimed at those of you who are dealing with a hostile or unreasonable ex partner.

You’ve probably already encountered behaviour from them that makes you question what you were thinking by getting involved with them in the first place. Indeed many people refer to them as their Y’s not X’s.

In creating the Absent platform, I am self educating in basic psychology, I find it helps my own personal situation. So I thought I’d share some of my findings so you guys can do your own research, and apply it to your own situations.

So, the next time things erupt with the ex over the kids, or divorce, try and apply this model so you can hopefully get something achieved.

It’s called the Parent-Adult-Child model.

Click on the link for the in-depth explanation, but put simply it defines the 3 states of mind people are generally in.  Depending on what state each individual is in at the time, that will determine the outcome of the situation.  Gaining knowledge of these states will also help how you react in these situations.

 

Another way to approach these situations is to think of the issue as a circle, but you can only influence your half of the circle.  Now depending on the other person’s state of mind, you have absolutely no say on how they handle their half of the circle. You could be putting forward such a good argument, in a calm manner which is clearly 100% the correct thing to do, but if they aren’t having it, losing your patience and temper will also not have any impact.

Unfortunately, none of this will help with the issue at hand, but I believe having the tools to help your own mind get to grips with the situation can only be positive.

We have all seen instances where people have been unable to cope with it, and take their own lives. By arming ourselves with knowledge about the human brain and how it all works, it will ultimately give us the strength to cope with pretty much anything.

Knowledge is power don’t forget

 

Is there someone missing from your life? If yes, please take the survey

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What’s that old saying … ‘knowledge is power’

TAKE THE SURVEY

Trying to bring something new to people, be it a product or service isn’t easy.  Changing the way people live their lives for a nice cause is one thing, but when you are asking people to really think about the most hurtful and negative aspect of their life, and then take a survey about it, I can understand if there isn’t much of a response.

But what I will say, is that without people really thinking about what they can do about the situation,then how can it get any better.  You might want to go down the court route, which is totally fine, but at the moment has it’s limitations.

Absent is a positive move based on a simple strategy.

  • PRIVACY PRIVACY PRIVACY – Cannot emphasize enough the importance of keeping things private
  • HAVE HOPE – Anyone can find someone these days, but your story, your timeline will be vital to reconnect. If they think you don’t care, would they find you?

Think of it like fishing.  Specifically either with a net or a rod.

 

On social media you are using a net, dragging your thoughts and emotions across the internet. But you are only after one particular fish.

 

 

On Absent you are using a rod. You have the right bait, and you are in the right water. Your chances of catching your specific fish, and only your specific fish is so much greater.

Please excuse the way my brain works, but that is how I see it.  I don’t want the entire world knowing what I am saying and thinking.  That’s just for my children, therefore I need a rod – not a net

If we can build a platform so whenever someone is ready to learn the truth, or to reconnect, they go straight to Absent to search, and there is absolutely no reason why that cannot happen, would you want to be there, waiting?  I know I am going to be there.

Now there will need to be patience, but certain things cannot be rushed.

So if you know anyone who is absent from someone they love, please tell them about this and ask them to take the survey.

It could be a mate who doesn’t see their kids, or someone who has a missing person in their family.

It could be a grandparent or aunt or uncle.  It could be brother, sisters, your buddy from the Army.  Absence does not discriminate between social class, race or religion.

Please help – take the survey.

HERE IS THE SURVEY 

Early entries will be entered into a draw to become one of the first account holders.

Show them how much you really do care

 

 

 

Is your organisation looking for a new direction for it’s mental health policy

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Does your employer care about it’s employees ??

Absent Brochure

Living a life coping with the ambiguous loss from forced absence is extremely hard.  Simple tasks can prove increasingly difficult.  Then you tag on depression, and anxeity, and you throw not sleeping into the mix, you’ve got a pretty crappy exsistence.

However, you have to carry on. You have a partner, you have bills to pay, so you dig down deep, you suck it up, and you do your absolute best to live life.

Sometimes however, things get a little too much. The World Health Organisation stated that :-

Depression is the leading cause of ill health and disability worldwide. According to the latest estimates from WHO, more than 300 million people are now living with depression, an increase of more than 18% between 2005 and 2015. Lack of support for people with mental disorders, coupled with a fear of stigma, prevent many from accessing the treatment they need to live healthy, productive lives.

The World Health Organisation also stated in 2016 that :-

Depression and anxiety disorders cost the global economy US$1 trillion each year

These days you’ve not only got the lengthy sick days/weeks or even months from those taking time off work with depression. you’ve now also got ….. PRESENTEEISM.

Presenteeism is an increasingly common issue that affects all types of workplaces.

In fact, it’s often cited as the biggest threat to workplace productivity, and is characterised by tired, unmotivated and sick employees who turn up to work regardless of how bad they’re feeling.

The cost of presenteeism is high, as not only does it cause productivity to drop and monetary takings to decrease, but it also adversely affects workplace morale, health, and safety.

So as an employer, what can you do ??

Well one thing you can do is take another look at the brochure

Would your organisation benefit ?? Would an Absent account be hugely beneficial to your employees ??

Families are the basis of society, and by helping rebuild those relationships, everyone can prosper.

Impact investing in social entrepreneurship can help you to build a reputation as a responsible business, which can in turn lead to competitive advantage. Companies often favour suppliers who have responsible policies, since this can reflect on how their customers see them. Some customers don’t just prefer to deal with responsible companies – they insist on it. Being a responsible, sustainable business may make it easier to recruit new employees or retain existing ones. Employees may be motivated to stay longer, thus reducing the costs and disruption of recruitment and retraining.

By acting in a sustainable, responsible way, employers may also find it easier to:

  • access finance – investors are more likely to back a reputable business
  • attract positive media attention – eg when backing new social ventures
  • reduce regulatory burden – good relationships with local authorities can often make doing business easier
  • identify new business opportunities – eg for development of new products or services

If you wish to discuss, then please get in touch and we would be delighted to go into further details

Many thanks

Apologies for the inactivity

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                      Firstly, a belated Happy New Year to you all.

I apologise for not posting for a while, but after the mosaic, I have found things a little tough as I’m sure many of you have. However, with the holiday season now truly over, I feel refreshed and ready to make 2018 the year of change for many of us, and the year Absent sweeps the world.

 

Let me update you all on where we are with Absent.

The design team are busy creating the visuals for the app and website, and we are working on adding the features necessary to ensure this is nailed down before we launch.

If you have any suggestions or opinions on any features you would like to see, then please feel free to contact us to discuss.

This is not just a product based on my own situation, it is for all of us absent from loved ones.

We are focusing on certain situations to launch. We would love to focus on all situations, but as with any new business startups, it’s better to concentrate your energy.

Our main focus is on 3 specific situations of absence.

Missing persons

Parental Alienation

Members of the Armed Forces

The main features will be there. Digital stuff being a photo, video, letters which will provide a sizeable chunk of the information needed to be therapeutic for us and to leave an informed ‘time capsule’ ready for whoever is missing from your life.

I am busy trying to gain as much exposure as I can for Absent. I am networking my behind off trying to get meetings with anyone and everyone who will listen.

If there is anyone willing to ‘go on the record’ and give us a quote or a testimonial on how important the concept we are developing is on short term therapy for the user, and the benefits that the story left will have for those finding it, then we would be eternally grateful.

We have also decided to create a Crowdfunding campaign to get things really moving.

We are working with an extremely talented guy who is in the process of coming up with something that will engage a lot of people.  However, it does seem at this point that my ugly mug will be present, so he has his work cut out for him :).  Please keep a look out for further developments on that.

As today is ‘Blue Monday’ – the most miserable day of the year, then I thought I would give you all who are without your loved ones a little insight into how close we are getting to delivering the platform that will give you a very real chance of reuniting.

 

So that is pretty much where we are right now.

If you happen to stumble upon this and know someone who will benefit massively from what we are doing, then please bring it up next time you talk, or even send them a link.

Take care everyone

 

Photo mosaic for 2018

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Just a quick post to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

We have completed the photo mosaic, not on the original Christmas theme, but on a statement for 2018.

Partly due to starting the new year with a postive vibe, and partly because, I’ll be honest, we didn’t get enough pictures to complete the rather colourful original image.

But that’s ok, and a massive thank you to those who did send in images. We hope you like what we’ve come up with, and appreciate the change in image.

Enjoy the rest of the holidays folks, and look out for the next blog which will bring you up to date with the development of the app and website.

 

 

 

 

Get involved

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Let’s do a photo mosiac

 

Cool idea folks. You heard of photo mosaic?  It’s where a large picture is made up of lots of smaller ones. Why not send in your photo that you’d like to use as a symbol to the one you’re absent from. It will remain anonymous. Maybe someone important will see it when it is published and start to realise what is happening in their lives.

Email them to info@absentforyou.com and we’ll create this beautiful picture with the individual pictures of our children, parents, brothers, sisters, pets literally anyone you are absent from this Christmas. Let’s try and fill the image by the 25th so please share far and wide.

Many thanks and have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

Does anyone else wonder what ‘they’ think ??

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There is no smoke without fire right …

There are many personality traits, both positive and negative. We are made up of a mixture of both, albeit some people have more negative than positive. I’m sure you can name a few of them.

So when you are dealing with an ambiguous loss regardless of the situation, does that make you worry more, or less about what people think of you?

You may well harbour your own feeling of guilt, especially if your loss is a result of parental, or family alienation as we like to call it, or any forced absence.

Whilst working on Absent, I have been meeting a lot of new people in order to get it launched successfully.  While explaining the platform my own situation will usually come up in explaining to people why the world needs this. Now they have all been extremely nice people, but do I wonder what they think about me after the meeting has ended.

Do I wonder if when they go home after work and their husband or wife asks ‘how was your day darling?’ , and they say ‘not bad, met a guy with a fantastic, brilliant, wonderful concept that is going to change the world ( I’m pretty sure that’s what they’ll say ), but maybe there’s a reason why he hasn’t seen his kids? Maybe this nice guy image is all an act.

Honestly, yes I do.

How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You – The deep insights you need to stop pleasing other people forever.

Check out the link above for one way of addressing the issue, if, like me, you do tend to worry a little too much.

But what if people are spreading vicious and malicious rumours about you? This statement shows the definition of defamation which of course is split into slander and libel.

I wonder what the legal repercussions are of doing this, and if any legal professional out there could help us out that would be great. Please specify what country you represent also.

  Hate crimes are a crime motivated by racial, sexual, or other prejudice, typically one involving violence or abuse, and when we hear the term hate crime, we indeed think of acts of racism or because of sexual orientation. But if we split the two words, and analyse them, parental, or family alienation fits the term.

  • Hate – feel intense dislike for.
  • Crime – an action or omission which constitutes an offence and is punishable by law.

Another one for the legal beagles I think.

Again, does thinking this way actually help or not. Justifying to yourself that what is happening to you as nearly as bad as the sickening violence that certain groups have to endear.

Please don’t think I am comparing racism with parental alienation because I am not. However, there must be repercussions for people who commit parental alienation. If not, then the trend will not only continue but escalate.

If it is allowed to escalate, then what will society come to?  

 

 

SOCIAL MEDIA – It’s a minefield

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https://www.sweetandnostalgic.co.uk/ekmps/shops/sweet/images/danger-minefield-metal-wall-sign-3-sizes-656-p.jpg

Everyone has an opinion, some will try and overpower you with it, some will be a little more subtle. And there are those that will keep it to themselves.  Opinions are just that, and the old adage that there are 3 sides to every story is closer to reality. I say 3 sides to a story, and they consist of

  • your side,
  • their side,
  • and the truth.

That’s not to say everyone is a liar, however, if we are all totally honest, there will be things that sometimes will be either omitted or changed ever so slightly.

With the explosion of social media, these opinions, and stories are now readily available to share and readily available for all to see. Even so-called ‘private’ groups will potentially have the odd spy. So what do you do for the best if you are one of the people who like to voice your opinion, or tell a story if you are involved in any issues concerning your children?

 

YOU LYING #@/$ !!!

  Now here lies a massive problem. What is the best thing to do when your ex is one of those who love to voice their opinion or tell a story, which is totally filled with lies and exaggeration? If you respond in kind, you’re probably walking into the trap, and if you say nothing, does it give the impression that what is being said about you is true.

Does it really matter what people think? Probably not, but you’ve put up with enough so isn’t it time to stand up for yourself?

This problem can cause emotions to spill over, and it’s probably best to stop and think. It is being well documented these days about the consequences of posting on social media.

Pitfalls of venting online

There is always someone looking at your accounts if you are in dispute with anyone. Will retaliation simply be walking into the trap?

 

Social media and divorce

Making yourself feel better can have repercussions that you wouldn’t think were possible. A lot of social media is portraying an image of yourself.

Young people and social media

Bear in mind that at the centre of all this are the children. Social media has its own separate issues for children, so do they really need their parents, or any member of the family causing any more stress than they are probably already feeling.

Back when I was in school, it was very unusual for a child’s parents to be separated or divorced, not so these days. But still, if the main focus is wanting your children, doesn’t that include doing what’s best for them at all times?

Approximately 50% American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.

It’s not unusual for relationships to come to an end, and indeed staying together ‘for the kids’ will have its own complications. And there are a small number of cases where parents and step-parents get along very well.

Take this example from The Huffington Post

Candice and Ashley: 

In last year’s viral blog “An Open Letter To My Daughter’s Stepmom,” writer Candice Curry confessed she didn’t want to like whoever ended up with her ex-husband. But when she met Ashley, the woman who would become his wife and the stepmom to her daughter Stiles, it was damn near impossible to dislike the woman.

“Ashley was so respectful of my place as mom and from day one, she treated my daughter like she was her own,” Curry told The Huffington Post recently. “I’m so thankful that she’s in our daughter’s life.”

Candice Curry

Ashley and Curry’s daughter Stiles

Today, Curry firmly believes that the friendship has made her daughter’s family life less splintered, while teaching the teen that love can survive any circumstance.

“We all wanted to allow our daughter to have all four of her parents together for birthdays and school events and to never make her uncomfortable about the situation that we put her in,” she said. “It was not her choice to have divorced parents — it’s our responsibility to do it in a way that is easiest and most beneficial to her.”

Pretty awesome right …

For those not blessed to be in that situation, maybe bear in mind the sentence above in bold. The responsibility to your child is paramount. So when you are about to explode on social media, and vent all the frustrations and anger and tell everyone how sh*t you are being treated ….. stop …. take a breath, and remember your children. Remember that they don’t know a world without social media. Hell, they can use an iPad before they can walk these days, so to them, that is communication.  Rightly or wrongly, that is the reality today, and this time it’s us who need to adjust.

 

 

Where we are, and where are we going ??

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Decisions.. Decisions..

Ok, so here we are. Trying to start this venture, with honestly no prior experience in how you market or promote, in how you get backers, or followers or likes. Or if anyone else even knows what you are on about, is tough.

The drive and focus are easy, and even if Absent falls flat on its face, I hope that one day my children will see the lengths I was prepared to go to, to show them the truth. Hell if trying to start a worldwide movement in how people reunite isn’t a start then I don’t know what is.

There are of course pros and cons working on Absent.  The pros speak for themselves in the fact that I am working on something that I am so passionate about, not only for my own gain but for millions of people who must feel like I feel. The cons do play their part also, the constant reminder of how not only I live, but so many others can make you feel like s**t.

But I must remember what I am trying to achieve here, and nobody said it was going to be easy.

The holiday season is nearly upon us, with Thanksgiving in the U.S. in a couple of days, and of course Christmas in about a month, so everyone needs to take care of themselves over the silly season.

 

What do people do over the holidays when they are absent from their loved ones ??

 

Personally, I cannot wait for the whole thing to be over. Maybe that is the wrong way to look at it, but it’s true. It’s not for the fact I haven’t got loved ones around me.My beautiful wife, my stepson and all the family are all here, and I know that makes me luckier than most, but the fact that is Christmas makes me miss my children more than any other time of the year.  Maybe this year, I need to focus more on what I have, rather than what I am without. But we could all say that all the time couldn’t we. One of my favourite actors Michael J Fox once said referring to his Parkinsons diagnosis

‘The point is, we all have our bag of hammers. We all have our own s**t. It’s like the parable about this circle of people and everyone takes their worst problem and puts it in the middle and they all get to choose one to take back – and they all end up choosing their own. And that’s kind of it. You’d always take your own problems back over someone else’s.’

Who didn’t want to be Marty McFly … or was that just me.
So maybe something to take from this, yes everyone has their problems, but there is always someone worse off.
Maybe start thinking about how you are going to approach the holidays this year. Do you want to surround yourself with people, and even … children. I mean how is that going to go?
Or would you prefer a more chilled time, or even a holiday away?
Whatever you decide to do, try and balance your needs with that of your loved ones.
You won’t please everyone, but we already know this…