Does anyone else wonder what ‘they’ think ??

There is no smoke without fire right …

There are many personality traits, both positive and negative. We are made up of a mixture of both, albeit some people have more negative than positive. I’m sure you can name a few of them.

So when you are dealing with an ambiguous loss regardless of the situation, does that make you worry more, or less about what people think of you?

You may well harbour your own feeling of guilt, especially if your loss is a result of parental, or family alienation as we like to call it, or any forced absence.

Whilst working on Absent, I have been meeting a lot of new people in order to get it launched successfully.  While explaining the platform my own situation will usually come up in explaining to people why the world needs this. Now they have all been extremely nice people, but do I wonder what they think about me after the meeting has ended.

Do I wonder if when they go home after work and their husband or wife asks ‘how was your day darling?’ , and they say ‘not bad, met a guy with a fantastic, brilliant, wonderful concept that is going to change the world ( I’m pretty sure that’s what they’ll say ), but maybe there’s a reason why he hasn’t seen his kids? Maybe this nice guy image is all an act.

Honestly, yes I do.

How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You – The deep insights you need to stop pleasing other people forever.

Check out the link above for one way of addressing the issue, if, like me, you do tend to worry a little too much.

But what if people are spreading vicious and malicious rumours about you? This statement shows the definition of defamation which of course is split into slander and libel.

I wonder what the legal repercussions are of doing this, and if any legal professional out there could help us out that would be great. Please specify what country you represent also.

  Hate crimes are a crime motivated by racial, sexual, or other prejudice, typically one involving violence or abuse, and when we hear the term hate crime, we indeed think of acts of racism or because of sexual orientation. But if we split the two words, and analyse them, parental, or family alienation fits the term.

  • Hate – feel intense dislike for.
  • Crime – an action or omission which constitutes an offence and is punishable by law.

Another one for the legal beagles I think.

Again, does thinking this way actually help or not. Justifying to yourself that what is happening to you as nearly as bad as the sickening violence that certain groups have to endear.

Please don’t think I am comparing racism with parental alienation because I am not. However, there must be repercussions for people who commit parental alienation. If not, then the trend will not only continue but escalate.

If it is allowed to escalate, then what will society come to?  

 

 

SOCIAL MEDIA – It’s a minefield

https://www.sweetandnostalgic.co.uk/ekmps/shops/sweet/images/danger-minefield-metal-wall-sign-3-sizes-656-p.jpg

Everyone has an opinion, some will try and overpower you with it, some will be a little more subtle. And there are those that will keep it to themselves.  Opinions are just that, and the old adage that there are 3 sides to every story is closer to reality. I say 3 sides to a story, and they consist of

  • your side,
  • their side,
  • and the truth.

That’s not to say everyone is a liar, however, if we are all totally honest, there will be things that sometimes will be either omitted or changed ever so slightly.

With the explosion of social media, these opinions, and stories are now readily available to share and readily available for all to see. Even so-called ‘private’ groups will potentially have the odd spy. So what do you do for the best if you are one of the people who like to voice your opinion, or tell a story if you are involved in any issues concerning your children?

 

YOU LYING #@/$ !!!

  Now here lies a massive problem. What is the best thing to do when your ex is one of those who love to voice their opinion or tell a story, which is totally filled with lies and exaggeration? If you respond in kind, you’re probably walking into the trap, and if you say nothing, does it give the impression that what is being said about you is true.

Does it really matter what people think? Probably not, but you’ve put up with enough so isn’t it time to stand up for yourself?

This problem can cause emotions to spill over, and it’s probably best to stop and think. It is being well documented these days about the consequences of posting on social media.

Pitfalls of venting online

There is always someone looking at your accounts if you are in dispute with anyone. Will retaliation simply be walking into the trap?

 

Social media and divorce

Making yourself feel better can have repercussions that you wouldn’t think were possible. A lot of social media is portraying an image of yourself.

Young people and social media

Bear in mind that at the centre of all this are the children. Social media has its own separate issues for children, so do they really need their parents, or any member of the family causing any more stress than they are probably already feeling.

Back when I was in school, it was very unusual for a child’s parents to be separated or divorced, not so these days. But still, if the main focus is wanting your children, doesn’t that include doing what’s best for them at all times?

Approximately 50% American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.

It’s not unusual for relationships to come to an end, and indeed staying together ‘for the kids’ will have its own complications. And there are a small number of cases where parents and step-parents get along very well.

Take this example from The Huffington Post

Candice and Ashley: 

In last year’s viral blog “An Open Letter To My Daughter’s Stepmom,” writer Candice Curry confessed she didn’t want to like whoever ended up with her ex-husband. But when she met Ashley, the woman who would become his wife and the stepmom to her daughter Stiles, it was damn near impossible to dislike the woman.

“Ashley was so respectful of my place as mom and from day one, she treated my daughter like she was her own,” Curry told The Huffington Post recently. “I’m so thankful that she’s in our daughter’s life.”

Candice Curry

Ashley and Curry’s daughter Stiles

Today, Curry firmly believes that the friendship has made her daughter’s family life less splintered, while teaching the teen that love can survive any circumstance.

“We all wanted to allow our daughter to have all four of her parents together for birthdays and school events and to never make her uncomfortable about the situation that we put her in,” she said. “It was not her choice to have divorced parents — it’s our responsibility to do it in a way that is easiest and most beneficial to her.”

Pretty awesome right …

For those not blessed to be in that situation, maybe bear in mind the sentence above in bold. The responsibility to your child is paramount. So when you are about to explode on social media, and vent all the frustrations and anger and tell everyone how sh*t you are being treated ….. stop …. take a breath, and remember your children. Remember that they don’t know a world without social media. Hell, they can use an iPad before they can walk these days, so to them, that is communication.  Rightly or wrongly, that is the reality today, and this time it’s us who need to adjust.

 

 

Where we are, and where are we going ??

Decisions.. Decisions..

Ok, so here we are. Trying to start this venture, with honestly no prior experience in how you market or promote, in how you get backers, or followers or likes. Or if anyone else even knows what you are on about, is tough.

The drive and focus are easy, and even if Absent falls flat on its face, I hope that one day my children will see the lengths I was prepared to go to, to show them the truth. Hell if trying to start a worldwide movement in how people reunite isn’t a start then I don’t know what is.

There are of course pros and cons working on Absent.  The pros speak for themselves in the fact that I am working on something that I am so passionate about, not only for my own gain but for millions of people who must feel like I feel. The cons do play their part also, the constant reminder of how not only I live, but so many others can make you feel like s**t.

But I must remember what I am trying to achieve here, and nobody said it was going to be easy.

The holiday season is nearly upon us, with Thanksgiving in the U.S. in a couple of days, and of course Christmas in about a month, so everyone needs to take care of themselves over the silly season.

 

What do people do over the holidays when they are absent from their loved ones ??

 

Personally, I cannot wait for the whole thing to be over. Maybe that is the wrong way to look at it, but it’s true. It’s not for the fact I haven’t got loved ones around me.My beautiful wife, my stepson and all the family are all here, and I know that makes me luckier than most, but the fact that is Christmas makes me miss my children more than any other time of the year.  Maybe this year, I need to focus more on what I have, rather than what I am without. But we could all say that all the time couldn’t we. One of my favourite actors Michael J Fox once said referring to his Parkinsons diagnosis

‘The point is, we all have our bag of hammers. We all have our own s**t. It’s like the parable about this circle of people and everyone takes their worst problem and puts it in the middle and they all get to choose one to take back – and they all end up choosing their own. And that’s kind of it. You’d always take your own problems back over someone else’s.’

Who didn’t want to be Marty McFly … or was that just me.
So maybe something to take from this, yes everyone has their problems, but there is always someone worse off.
Maybe start thinking about how you are going to approach the holidays this year. Do you want to surround yourself with people, and even … children. I mean how is that going to go?
Or would you prefer a more chilled time, or even a holiday away?
Whatever you decide to do, try and balance your needs with that of your loved ones.
You won’t please everyone, but we already know this…

 

People want change … enough is enough !!

Family courts – Many think they are absolutely disgraceful in dealing with their case. Many think they have saved the lives of children in need. So where is the balance right now

 

So you’re having a terrible time with your ex, you’ve stopped communicating, and now they’ve decided to go to court. Result !!! That’s all you need. If you are the nonresident parent you are now thinking that this isn’t good news – and you’d be right. Now going to court should be a good thing to do in principle. Think about it, if someone does something illegal, they get punished right? Well Family Courts ‘seem’ to be different. I have asked the question lately if people think Family Court is held in the same esteem as let say ‘regular’ court. The answer is a resounding NO !!

Is it all about the money ??

 

Many people believe it’s about money. Now whether or not this statement is right, I’m not sure, but money does seem to come up an awful lot when discussing Family Courts. Lawyers aren’t cheap, and if you’ve got a divorce in the mix also, your bank balance could take a hammering. Indeed many people simply cannot afford to carry on with court proceedings which surely is not right.

 

When dealing with your children and money, it goes without saying that emotions run wild. Add in child support or maintenance, and a combustible situation is imminent. This is where your mental health comes under attack. Dealing with the constant stress and pressure will inevitably take its toll, and in many situations, being away from your children will make you question your very existence. What you won’t understand, is that it is normal. Of course you are going to feel like your world is coming to an end, because let’s be honest, it has.

 

My advice here is, get some help. I thought I could power through, but I couldn’t do it on my own.

I know I keep going on about physical fitness when it comes to mental health improvement, so if you don’t believe me, take a look at this from huffingtonpost.com

 

So, back to the courts. What discourages people so much, is that perjury seems to be allowed in Family Court. Lies will go unpunished, and lawyers twist things so that they fall under laws that are meant to be there to protect children who are in actual harm’s way. It’s a convenient way for people to get what they want. How many times have there been allegations of domestic violence, or alcoholism, or drug use, just because they are the buzz terms that make judges very nervous?

You can see how impossible the situation has now become.

At the centre of all this mess, is the child. Totally innocent in all of it.

If you are lucky enough to still have contact with your child after all this, then where does that leave them. Will they suffer either way? Now there are situations where both parents put the child’s interests first, and subside their feelings towards each other. These parents should be highly praised.

The main concern we at Absent have is the relationship with the child. What good is contact if your relationship with your child is being tarnished by the other parent. What impact will that have on their childhood? All extremely difficult questions to answer, and what is the right thing to do for everyone.

If like me, you have decided not to enter a ‘tug of war’ with your children, and let them go to remove them from the toxic situation, then like me, you are probably wondering how you will ever get that relationship back.

Enter Absent 

That is why Absent will change the way we connect with our loved ones. Absent focuses on the relationship. It builds the bridges burnt when you are a victim of parental alienation.

What Absent also does is help anyone reach out to someone they love and want to reconcile. A brilliant idea if I do say so myself 🙂

 

Along the way, you have a place of calmness to go. It will help you deal with your problems as journaling with the knowledge that they will see this will give you a tremendous sense of satisfaction. No longer will you feel like you are sinking into the abyss. At last, a chance to level the playing field.